Success: The achievement of something desired, planned, or attemptedSo, today's topic is rather obvious given the Title, picture and definition you've already seen. Yet that is a gross oversimplification of a term that lends itself to shades of grey and every other color known to mankind.
Mr. Man (a former co-worker and friend who was given this nickname because he's a Gym Rat... and because Macho Man was taken by Richard Pryor with a FAR different meaning than was appropriate for a platonic friendship!!) asked me recently about defining success when discussing the "Fear" topic. Not in so much as how we define success for ourselves, but how we as a society define success within our peer groups... and my follow-up question: how do our peer groups change as our level of perceived success changes?
Being the narcissistic female that I am (of course it's all me, me, me!!! It's my damned blog, isn't it??) I start with my own background. Well, I have to start somewhere, and my personal experience applies. hmph.
I grew up in a home where I never had to really think about what things cost. We weren't what I'd call rich (though that's relative - there were many of my friends that thought we were), but we were most definitely "comfortable". My summers were spent at the country club swimming pool, on the golf course, on the tennis courts or going to camp. Our social lives really centered around "The Club". When I walked in the clubhouse or pro shop, everyone knew who I was... because they knew my family. Not like that was some big thing - it wasn't a huge community at the time, so if you spent time there, people knew you. We spent a LOT of time there. My father was considered a "successful" business man. He was (and still is) in the Oil business... a Salesman that closed big deals worth a lot of money (and a big commission)... and entertained as was appropriate for that time and that business. So, we had a lot of parties, went to a lot of golf tournaments, traveled.... he associated with "movers and shakers" at his level. They were not all nice people... actually, I'd say most of them weren't.
So, in every external way, people considered my dad to be very successful. And, he was.. he is. He believed himself to be successful as well, as he defined it. He had a good job, worked hard and did it well, provided for his family - we wanted for nothing... in a time when success was corellated to money, he was a very successful man. From a personal perspective, though...? I barely saw my dad because of how much time he had to spend traveling. His work was his passion, and it took a great deal of his time to be that successful - and he has always loved what he does. Over time, our relationship suffered for it, because it was taken for granted. Oh, I knew he loved me... but it became easier for him to show that love with material things than with emotion, because emotion required an investment of time that was simply lacking.
Now, we jump forward 20 years to my own adulthood, and how my generation defines success. The mad rush of the 80's to constantly strive for the almighty dollar hasn't gone away, but it has softened. The truly wealthy still work hard to remain that way, but those of us that are "comfortable" have found that there's more to life than the almighty dollar. Life circumstances and value changes are big contributors to that... we now value time with our families more, and "life/work balance" is a buzz phrase never even considered in the 80's. We look at our peers with a wider view of success... not just how much money does he/she make, but how much time is spent enjoying the life portion of the balance in contrast with the amount of money earned.
So, to look at myself? Well, I don't really ask myself the question, "Am I successful". I assume that I am because I can pay the bills, I have a roof over my head, hold a steady job and have a loving family. If you ask my friends? Well I actually never have, so I don't know. LOL I can say that I am constantly humbled by the opinions of certain friends for whom I have a high level of respect. I will confess to both amazement and warmth that they hold me in such high regard for my accomplishments. One or two in particular, having met me about 12 years ago when I was just getting back into the job market as a secretary, express their pride in my progress. Of course, they never take any credit for being my mentors, being unwilling to recognize their own gifts in this regard. Without their sage advice and encouragement, I might not have had the guts to make certain career choices. I consider their roles in my life irreplacable because of the things I've learned from them. The people I associate with are as diverse as my interests, and are equally as partitioned. I have "artsy" friends, "personal" friends, "business" friends... and a very, very few that can cross those boundaries at will. Some are most definitely "movers and shakers", and others are either categorized by society as "normal", "freaks" and even a couple of "trailer trash" types, as my dad would say. That does not, however, speak to the person behind the label, or what I value in them.
So, given these thoughts, how would I measure success? Hmm... let's see...not necessarily in order of importance:
1. Quality of Life - doing a job you love, and making the time to enjoy the results of hard labor
2. Quality of the people around you - I don't mean net worth here... I mean values and goals. Do you get good advice that is in your best interest from those around you? Do the people you count as friends and mentors support your efforts without a hidden agenda? Do they share your basic values? Do they try to evolve as human beings?
3. Quality of Relationships - Do the people in your "inner circle" help you or drain you? Do you find it easy to love and support them in return? Is the energy you invest in your relationships returned in equal measure?
4. Understanding of Self - I used that phrase to encompass a larger ideal. Call it spirituality, self-esteem, being in touch with yourself, understanding your own limitations and talents, and making sure that you don't undervalue yourself personally or professionally. Don't shortchange yourself or "settle", ever. Stand up for what you believe in, even with others don't agree... sometimes ESPECIALLY when they don't.
Now, if I apply that to myself and ask "Anne, are you successful"? I'd have to say yes, but not to the level at which I want to be. Strangely enough, I won't be truly successful in my own mind until I can make a living doing what I really, truly love!!! It won't make me nearly as much money as I'm making right now, but it will make my heart happy. :-) On all other fronts... I think the people around me and the relationships I've built are positive ones. Those that aren't positive don't last, frankly. My understanding of self is a constant process, as it is for everyone, but I think that is improving.
So, once again - what have I left out? What do you consider a measure of success? I know for my son, at his tender 19 years, it would simply be - I'm breathing, Mom's paying the bills and I can eat when I'm hungry. LOL He will improve (I will beat it into him, trust me), but right now, that's where his head is. He still has some growing to do, as we all did at that age. Crap, I still didn't get into Fear of Success. That will have to be another day's topic. It's too big to tack at the end of this!!!
