It's not an easy thing to put a show together. This isn't the first one I've started, and it won't be the last. This one is certainly on the list of the more ambitious I've attempted, but it isn't impossible. I hope.
In August of 2011, I will be presenting a show called, "Domari". It is a story related to the Romani in Scotland in the 16th century, and what befell a small group of people because of the Egyptians Act (also referenced as "The 30 Day Law") created by King Henry VIII and later amended by Queen Mary. This act required that "Gypsies" leave Great Britain or suffer the consequences - in some cases disposession and deportation, in others, death. At its root, this is a story of love and sacrifice... but it is also a story of fear, prejudice and defiance.
I've begun the process of music selection and choreography, and began working with some excellent dancers in my classes in the last month to put some of these ideas in motion. I will have the same problem I always have... finding enough dancers. There are dancers aplenty, yes... but not many that are necessarily interested in working my format or dedicating the time necessary to prepare the quality of show I require... or that have the foundation of the different forms of dance I'm utilizing.
I started changing the way I do shows in 2007, with the last Dance From the Heart show. No longer is the production the "recital" kind of lineup with one unrelated dance after another. Now, I require dancers that are multi-disciplined and can act (or are willing to learn and have an instinct for it). The entire show is a story, and each piece moves the plot forward to its conclusion. It's more of a ballet format that is not usually done in the "bellydance" arena. The movement has to be called fusion, since I will not be sticking to "strict" Romani movement for those dances, nor will I stick to "strict" Highland dancing for the Scots dances. I have learned over the last few years that no one movement vocabulary can tell the stories I wish to tell with the music I wish to use... therefore, the subject matter is true to historically documented events, with liberal license in costuming, movement and music.
The "gypsies" historically break down into three linguistic populations, whose origins are traced back to the Sind area of India (now South Central Pakistan): The Romani, or Western gypsies that are the most widely known; The Domari, or Eastern gypsies that went to Egypt and the Middle East; and the Lomavren from Armenia and Eastern Turkey. Where I take artistic license in this show is that I use traditional movement from Turkey, Israel, Egypt (as well as American tribal, ballet, modern, etc, though that is not what I'm referencing for this particular point) ... and some of each would fall into the acceptable broader category of Roma. The Romani are the documented group that were in Great Britain, however, it is not implausible that a Domari or two joined that group. With some historians asserting that the Roma first entered Scotland at the side of Templars that came from the crusade, it is not all that great of a stretch to make this link. The (pivotal) main male character is considered a Domari, hence where I get the name of the show. :)
As I began the process, I laid out the storyline, the scenes I wished to enact... and then I started looking for music. I hoped to use one musician's music, leaning heavily toward Omar Faruk Tekbilek... but he doesn't have the Celtic aspect in his repertoire... though in some cases, it's relatable with imagination. I wanted this to be a live music show... but if you think that finding dancers that are this multi-disciplined is tough... man! That may be the impossible point on which I have to compromise. As I find music, the scenes change... to fit the music and what I'm able to find. Evolution continues, until I get the entire thing set in choreography. Sometimes, one piece suggests a different scene than I originally intended... and while that makes me a bit crazy, it's important to remember that this is rather a living, breathing being for a while.
At the base of it is also funding... I'm looking for additional funding sources beyond the 2-3K that I have to put into it, in order to make is bigger, better, blah, blah, blah. :) I have some excellent options that I am working on, and I have some very experienced minds involved in this, to assist with the areas where I've lacked expertise in the past. At the end of the day, this show is a benefit put on by a non-profit organization. We do things as inexpensively as we can in order to bring more money in for the recipient charity. In honor of my mother, the recipient will be an organization, family or facility that works in the area of curing, dealing with or treating Alzheimer's patients.
So, if you're reading this, and you are a Houston dancer or musician interested in this crazy idea... please contact me. I am in SERIOUS need of dancers, male and female, from age 17 and up. We rehearse at the Dominic Walsh Dance Theater in Montrose. I can promise that you will learn something, be challenged, meet wonderful people and have a great time for a great cause. If you'd like to donate to the organization, visit http://www.dfth.org/. We welcome all help.
I got myself into an interesting situation this weekend, which as usual, ends up with me thinking... or overthinking as the case often is.
My boyfriend and I went to visit his parents over the weekend, which is always a relaxing and enjoyable experience. I look forward to those visits. They live out in the country, about an hour away, so we usually will spend at least one night with them when we go out there. They are wonderful people (which makes sense, knowing their son), and have been warm and welcoming to my son and I at a level that truly surprised me. It doesn't surprise me as much now - they are, as I said, wonderful people.
His mom and I have a few things in common, and conversation is easy. We were all out on the back porch talking Saturday night (my boyfriend with his dad, and me with his mom), and the subject of marriage came up. It was my fault, I admit it... we were talking about wills, etc, which admittedly is an odd topic of conversation, but I mentioned that I didn't see myself getting married again. (A note: my boyfriend and I met in high school, but have only been dating 8 months. He's a "never-been-married" bachelor, and I've been married once, now single again.) When I said that, his mom gave me one of those mom looks that makes me stammer... you know the one. The eyebrows raise just a bit, and the penetrating stare comes out as if preparing to ask a very direct, personal question... and I say in a panic to forestall any further interrogation (motioning to my boyfriend talking to his father nearby), "Well, he doesn't want to get married". To which his mother replies, "You need to work on him, but don't tell him I said that".
Of course, with brilliant timing, all conversation with my boyfriend and his father had suddenly ceased as I blurted out my panicked statement, which of course sounded to my boyfriend as if I was blaming this entire lapse on him. Then, of course, he heard his mother's response, leaving him to inform her that yes, he'd heard that quite clearly. LOL After that brief moment, I set things straight, letting her know that we had discussed the idea of marriage, and neither of us was interested in that particular institution. I also told her that marriage wouldn't make her son more of a life partner than he already was... I'm committed to him and the future we will share, whatever that may bring.
As we climbed into bed, my boyfriend commented on the "interesting conversation" his mother and I were having... and damned if he didn't use his own mother's penetrating stare on me with that irresistable grin he also has. I told him the REST of the conversation to reassure him that I hadn't laid any blame at his feet with regard to our marital future, but he asked the key question: "Have you changed your mind?" Meaning, do I feel differently on the whole marriage question.
I told him that I wouldn't say that... but it prompted deeper thought. I know his feelings on the subject, and I have absolutely no disagreement on that score. I agree with him. I don't need a legal or religious body telling me what my union is or should be... the only ones dictating that should be me and my chosen. This morning, on my drive in to work, I heard a song that brought up all those romantic emotional thoughts I harbor on occasion, and the whole subject came back to my mind.
My first question to myself was: What is marriage to you/what does it really mean?
Because my curent relationship has made me redefine so much of what I think love is/can be/should be, I have to look at everything in the context of present time. What is past is past, and while I carry the lessons I learned and apply them to my life now, I can't let the past define my future. So, while I know what the traditional view of marriage is, I have to look at what I really feel.
I have to take all legal and religious constructs out of the view, because I would marry for neither reason. I would consider marriage for one reason, and one reason only: love. To me... NOW... that union is both a public and private substantiation of deeper feelings... it is more than is covered in the classic definition of a boyfriend/girlfriend, it is for two people that choose to live a lifetime together, and a promise to see through both the good and bad times with the understanding that it is all about the greater whole... a commitment to each other, and the love shared and desired through the time remaining to us in this life. The ceremony is in a public forum so that friends and family can express their support of that union, and the couple can have their love witnessed by those they care most about beyond their intimate relationship.
I started wondering - if I were to consider marriage again, is that even the right word? That whole "institution of marriage" crap is NOT what I ever want again. Even the terms "husband" and "wife"... the definitions (other than male and female partners in marriage) for the terms are as bad as the institution itself.
Husband: the master of the house or family.
Wife: a woman acting in a specified capacity.
The Husband definition is more acceptable to a man that the Wife definition is to a woman, I feel certain. But both fall so short of the whole. They place us in boxes of what we are to be, without considering who we are or what we may want... it impersonalizes one of the most personal, intimate expressions two people can share, which is just... wrong.
I struggle with one question, however. Would that formalized union change the way I feel about the person with whom it is shared? I hesitate to call it marriage, given the thoughts I've expressed, but right now it's the only term I've got.
I would have to say that I'm not sure yet. Would I love him differently were we "married"? That love is there, regardless, and while it will grow in depth over time, the love is based on who he is as a person, and how we relate to one another. Would a "marriage" change the fact that I love him? Nope. Would I love him differently? I can't answer that one.
The fact is that marriage over time has changed. It used to be that a woman didn't live with a man until they were married - and that wedding night had SIGNIFICANT impact on the way a man and woman felt about each other, because it completed a bond that (usually) hadn't yet been formed. In my case, that doesn't apply. The intimacy has been established. How would a formal union change that? I don't think it would. It would be an issue of knowing without any doubt that each of us are committed to one another and our future to a point that we're willing to share it with everyone we know, and include them in a symbolic affirmation and celebration of that fact.
Is it required? Well, obviously not. I can live with the man I love for as long as we choose to stay together, whether that's 2 years or 20 (or more). I will always do my best to make sure that he knows he's loved, treasured and appreciated... no ceremony can tell him that more than I can by my actions every day, and vice versa.
After dating for only 8 months, I CAN say it's too soon to tackle this question seriously. This relationship is so unusual - even though we've been dating a short time, the fact that we knew each other before seems to skew time... it feels like we've been together a lot longer than 8 months. Occasionally something will come up that reminds us... oh yeah, it's only been 8 MONTHS, for crying out loud. LOL Having so much in common, thinking alike on so many things... well, it just seems too bloody easy sometimes. It's kind of scary, in a good way. But time is required... how about we let this relationship grow for a while before we discuss anything like marriage?? :)
But darn his mom for bringing it up and making me examine the whole thing. ;-) I am a traditionalist enough to know that I wouldn't be the one initiating any kind of proposal... and that makes me question myself as well... why do I feel that way, and what does that mean??? Have I found my one iota of "old fashioned", or am I a coward?
So, who else is facing these questions - either because you're at an end of a relationship wondering how you got there (or seeing quite clearly how you arrived), or in one where you're asking the same questions I am? I'm curious about others' take on this, if you care to speak up.
I'm being a very bad girl.
I'm breaking all the rules.
I'm thumbing my nose at self-control, with enormous success.
And, as much as I don't want to toe the line it's time I get back to it. Damn it. *insert foot stomp here*
I have a bet riding on one portion of that self-control, as it applies to my enforcing my own workout discipline on my wonderful significant other. If I'm not doing it myself, though, I sure as hell can't make sure he succeeds at his goal, which also benefits me in the end.
See, I want to WIN that bet. The stakes? A photograph. A photograph I would love to have, because it's such a NICE photo of him. As a matter of fact, I like it SO much that he's locked it in his bloody safe, for fear that I'll nab the damn thing and post it all over the internet!! To win said photo, I have to get him in shape to make a jump from the floor onto a stage (without hurting himself), that he used to make when we were in high school. I have until May to achieve this goal and win the prize. The prize for both of us, more importantly, is both of us being in excellent condition (so that I can then get NEW photos of him looking even sexier than he did in high school... this time in a kilt). He won't agree with me on that second part... you know, the part in parentheses.
I digress, as usual when the subject is the man being referenced. Let's get back to the question of discipline, shall we? See, I can't even manage self-control in PRINT!!!
The changes over the past year have altered just about everything in my life. While the majority of all of that is good, it also creates challenges. My dance schedule significantly reduced when I decided to step down as the Artistic Director of my dance company and turn the reigns over to someone else. I also decided to focus more on my performances as a soloist, and in more than just "bellydance". I'm only teaching now in exceptionally rare circumstances, and only to close friends or those students that seek me out specifically for what I have to offer. This gives me more time to work with the ballet company with whom I dance, as well as develop the productions that intrigue me.
While I was dancing/working out up to 11 hours a week in 2007 - 2008, now I'm down to about 2, which ain't gonna cut it, brother. Now, this isn't altogether a bad thing - the schedule that went with that 11 hours of dance was insane. I had no life other than work and dance, and the relationship I've been overjoyed to discover in the last 5 months would have been impossible in that scenario... hell, ANY real relationship was impossible.
The quandary...how to balance this... and pick up the discipline again on working out, eating right, getting my ass out of bed in the morning on time, taking ALL the medication I'm supposed to take after last year's surgery, AND dancing without doing that to the exclusion of all else... with a rigorous social calendar that came out of seemingly nowhere (and I'm not complaining, believe me - I'm blessed to have the friends I have!)
It requires me to do something I've never been terribly good at, or thrilled about doing. Oh, I've done it... and I enjoyed the results, but I HATE having to regiment my life to such a degree. *sigh* That is: maintaining a high level of discipline, saying "no" more than I want ("no" to ice cream, and chocolate, and bread, and pasta...and hitting the snooze button multiple times), and not allowing myself to be the lazy, slothful, indulgent, capricious female that my bad girl side would prefer. NO FUN.
1. I have to get up when the evil alarm goes off in the morning.
2. I have to make better choices in the food I eat - change back to the "loss" mode and seriously moderate certain things until I've reached my goal.
3. I have to sit down and seriously plan out when I take these stupid freaking pills so that I don't break the rules, and still get the supplements I'm supposed to have. It's important, and I'm being an idiot by not managing it.
4. I have to make a real workout plan and stick to it... and enforce it for both of us!!!
I read these back and kick myself. None of this is hard. Nothing up there is so difficult to manage that I'm incapable of dealing with it. Yes, things are in major flux right now... living between 2 places makes scheduling and getting into any kind of regular routine damned difficult... but not impossible. It simply requires me to have a level of discipline that I've been neglecting, shamefully. Instead of sitting on my ass at the computer, I have to get up and do any one of the many things that need to be done. I have to organize my crap for the coming day the night before. It all works to my advantage in the end, so why is it so hard to make it happen?
I know damned well what the benefits are here... If I'm up earlier, I get to work earlier... which either gets me overtime (for which I get paid) or it gets me home sooner to the one I want to see! When I work out and make the right food choices, I look better, feel better... I'm healthier. So, why do I continually ignore it, or just procrastinate??? Because I'm instant gratification girl, and a few moments in a warm, cozy bed is far preferable to getting up and being "responsible". YUK, I hate that word.
It was easy to explain earlier in the year, when grief was so prevalent in my life... and perhaps this is just the time I'm coming out of all of it and getting back to "normal". *HA!* Whatever the case may be, it's time to snap the hell out of it and get my shit together!
So, how do you motivate yourself? How do you enforce self-discipline? Is it easy for you, or is it a struggle? Inquiring minds and all that....
