Beauty

Another complicated subject, because the picture of it is different for everyone. But, it's been on my mind at a personal level because of all the changes in my life... losing weight, getting in shape, aging, blah, blah, blah...

Do any of us really consider ourselves beautiful? There are many kinds of beauty... physical, mental, spiritual... innocent, sensual, raw... one quality can overshadow others and based on an individual's perception, everyone is beautiful to someone else that values that quality. We may not value that quality in ourselves, or even notice it's there... but someone will.

Physical beauty is the one that is the most easily recognized, of course, and what most often sets flame to the spark. Not always though... sometimes it's a voice... a turn of phrase... a clever response... a funny joke... and then the physical follows. When meeting someone in today's technology driven world, it might be through email, on the phone (that archaic device), or in a way that doesn't allow you to see them first. Not that this is a new phenomenon... people have been attracted to each other over the phone for a long time - that's how my parents met, actually. My father heard my mom's voice on the phone (she was a receptionist at the time), and made a point to meet her when he had to go into the office where she worked, because her voice was sexy. I wonder if that's why I'm so keyed into voices? It's genetic... who knew??

Anyway - back to the dang point. As I've been going through these physical changes, I notice the difference in the way I'm treated, as well as the way I feel. I still firmly believe that what you project is how people will perceive you. I felt horrible before I lost this weight... it didn't matter what anyone else thought, because I hated the way I looked. I didn't want to look in the mirror, didn't want to have to buy clothes, stopped buying lingerie for anything but pedestrian necessity (which had me missing out on huge fun, damn it, because it makes me feel good!). While people didn't treat me horribly, they didn't go out of their way to be friendly, either. I was... overlooked... by those that weren't already friends. They responded to my intelligence or wit, but it was different.

Now, I will go on record as saying that I've never considered myself a beauty. I try (now) to look my best, and sometimes I do pretty well... but I've never looked in the mirror and thought, "My God, you look gorgeous". The very idea makes me laugh. Of course, like just about every woman, I love the fantasy of a man being so gaga over me that he thinks I'm the sexiest, most beautiful woman walking, will go to inordinate lengths to romance me (room full of roses kind of romance, you know?)... but I think I'd proabably fall over if it ever happened. I'm not that kind of Audrey Hepburn, Marilyn Monroe beauty that inspires that kind of behavior, y'know?? I've learned over time that things like that just don't happen in real life to the average woman, by the average man. It's a shame, really... a lot of marriages would probably be different if a few above average things like that happened - but I also think it takes two. One must give as good as one gets. A roomful of roses would certainly require a reciprocal event, equally special. But, I digress. My penchant for fantasy will get the better of me.

So, now, I'm feeling better about the way I look. I still have a ways to go before I think I look as good as I possibly can, but I'm definitely on my way. I'm noticing that other people are also picking up on that extra confidence, and responding to it. Sure, I'm getting more flirtatious comments passed my way... get more glances from the opposite sex (and a few from the same sex!)... but in general, I have opened up a little... become a bit more accessible... and others seem to respond in kind. I'm more comfortable in my own skin... so others are more comfortable seeing me in it.

When I tried to project that confidence before, it didn't come off as genuine... well, it wasn't, because I didn't feel it. I could project "Goddess", but only believed "Hag". People sense the disparity. There are times when people act well and project a false bravado... but if you talk to them for a few minutes, you can catch them at it. They overcompensate and end up seeming arrogant, cocky or insincere. More often, it's just insecurity.

Then, there are those that truly confuse me. Beauty inside and out that is completely unrecognized by the one who has it. They seem oblivious to their own impact on others, and the value they themselves have. You can tell them it's there, but chances are they won't believe you. It's not false modesty, either - that's also easily identified. All I can assume is that there have been so many years of conditioning: self doubt, negative input or unstated validation that the person never understands the truth of what others see in them... or what they themselves have to offer.

It's as if we, as a society, have made it more acceptable to wallow in our faults than to celebrate our assets. We've adopted some sort of aversion to feeling good about ourselves... what kind of crap is that??? I can't help but assume that it's in large part because of what we're fed every day through media and choose to believe... we won't buy beauty products unless we feel that we lack something requiring that product to make us perfect. As consumers, we're too fat, too thin, too old, too young, too lazy, too energetic, too lacking in general style to be the epitome of beauty, so we'd better keep trying until we get it right. GEEZ!!! No wonder women hate the way they look. It's not just women, either. Men go through the same struggles, they just don't get as many freaking magazines and commercials dedicated to it.

So, my goal? Not to be "beautiful" as a magazine describes it...that's a goal I can never achieve, no matter how hard I try... but to be the best me I can be, so that I like myself and can feel confident in my own body, mind and spirit. That's when I might be able to look in the mirror and say, "I'm beautiful". If others think so - that's great... but it has to start with me, or no one else will believe it.

So, how do you define beauty, and where do you feel you fit in to that definition? Talk amongst yourselves. ;-) That's what the comments option is for, y'know. You people are way too quiet.