Discipline

I'm being a very bad girl. 

I'm breaking all the rules.

I'm thumbing my nose at self-control, with enormous success.

And, as much as I don't want to toe the line it's time I get back to it.  Damn it.  *insert foot stomp here*

I have a bet riding on one portion of that self-control, as it applies to my enforcing my own workout discipline on my wonderful significant other.  If I'm not doing it myself, though, I sure as hell can't make sure he succeeds at his goal, which also benefits me in the end. 

See, I want to WIN that bet.  The stakes?  A photograph.  A photograph I would love to have, because it's such a  NICE photo of him.  As a matter of fact, I like it SO much that he's locked it in his bloody safe, for fear that I'll nab the damn thing and post it all over the internet!!  To win said photo, I have to get him in shape to make a jump from the floor onto a stage (without hurting himself), that he used to make when we were in high school.  I have until May to achieve this goal and win the prize.  The prize for both of us, more importantly, is both of us being in excellent condition (so that I can then get NEW photos of him looking even sexier than he did in high school... this time in a kilt).  He won't agree with me on that second part... you know, the part in parentheses.

I digress, as usual when the subject is the man being referenced.  Let's get back to the question of discipline, shall we?  See, I can't even manage self-control in PRINT!!!

The changes over the past year have altered just about everything in my life.  While the majority of all of that is good, it also creates challenges.  My dance schedule significantly reduced when I decided to step down as the Artistic Director of my dance company and turn the reigns over to someone else.  I also decided to focus more on my performances as a soloist, and in more than just "bellydance".   I'm only teaching now in exceptionally rare circumstances, and only to close friends or those students that seek me out specifically for what I have to offer.  This gives me more time to work with the ballet company with whom I dance, as well as develop the productions that intrigue me. 

While I was dancing/working out up to 11 hours a week in 2007 - 2008, now I'm down to about 2, which ain't gonna cut it, brother.  Now, this isn't altogether a bad thing - the schedule that went with that 11 hours of dance was insane.  I had no life other than work and dance, and the relationship I've been overjoyed to discover in the last 5 months would have been impossible in that scenario... hell, ANY real relationship was impossible.

The quandary...how to balance this... and pick up the discipline again on working out, eating right, getting my ass out of bed in the morning on time, taking ALL the medication I'm supposed to take after last year's surgery, AND dancing without doing that to the exclusion of all else... with a rigorous social calendar that came out of seemingly nowhere (and I'm not complaining, believe me - I'm blessed to have the friends I have!)

It requires me to do something I've never been terribly good at, or thrilled about doing.  Oh, I've done it... and I enjoyed the results, but I HATE having to regiment my life to such a degree.  *sigh*   That is:  maintaining a high level of discipline, saying "no" more than I want ("no" to ice cream, and chocolate, and bread, and pasta...and hitting the snooze button multiple times), and not allowing myself to be the lazy, slothful, indulgent, capricious female that my bad girl side would prefer.  NO FUN. 

1.  I have to get up when the evil alarm goes off in the morning.
2.  I have to make better choices in the food I eat - change back to the "loss" mode and seriously moderate certain things until I've reached my goal.
3.  I have to sit down and seriously plan out when I take these stupid freaking pills so that I don't break the rules, and still get the supplements I'm supposed to have.  It's important, and I'm being an idiot by not managing it.
4.  I have to make a real workout plan and stick to it... and enforce it for both of us!!! 

I read these back and kick myself.  None of this is hard.  Nothing up there is so difficult to manage that I'm incapable of dealing with it.  Yes, things are in major flux right now... living between 2 places makes scheduling and getting into any kind of regular routine damned difficult... but not impossible.  It simply requires me to have a level of discipline that I've been neglecting, shamefully.  Instead of sitting on my ass at the computer, I have to get up and do any one of the many things that need to be done.  I have to organize my crap for the coming day the night before.  It all works to my advantage in the end, so why is it so hard to make it happen?

I know damned well what the benefits are here...  If I'm up earlier, I get to work earlier... which either gets me overtime (for which I get paid) or it gets me home sooner to the one I want to see!  When I work out and make the right food choices, I look better, feel better... I'm healthier.  So, why do I continually ignore it, or just procrastinate???  Because I'm instant gratification girl, and a few moments in a warm, cozy bed is far preferable to getting up and being "responsible".  YUK, I hate that word.

It was easy to explain earlier in the year, when grief was so prevalent in my life... and perhaps this is just the time I'm coming out of all of it and getting back to "normal".  *HA!*  Whatever the case may be, it's time to snap the hell out of it and get my shit together!

So, how do you motivate yourself?  How do you enforce self-discipline?  Is it easy for you, or is it a struggle?  Inquiring minds and all that....